Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts

Friday, July 11, 2008

Shared Tears

One petal dangled from the wilting rose, barely maintaining its tenuous connection to the flower. Marilyn, her honey blond locks blowing in the gentle winter wind knelt down to caress the singular petal, a single tear staining the beauty of her face as it slid down her rosy cheek. As I often did, I watched her silent vigil, smiled as she deftly brushed the snow off the few remaining leaves of the long stemmed tea rose clinging to life in the garden beside her house. This day the overnight snow kept me from going out to say hello, looking up she waved at me, knowing I would be there watching, sharing in her routine.

She pulled the zip lock bag out of her coat pocket; sprinkled yesterdays coffee grinds around the base of the bush, dusted the snow off her gloved hands, the flakes sparkling in the crisp morning sunlight as they drifted back down to earth like diamonds shared from heaven. Wiping her tears away she tenderly kissed the tenacious petal and turned to head back indoors.


Taking my cue I went into the kitchen, putting water on to boil. Set up two cups, two saucers, got the Chamomile tea and honey out of the cupboard, placed the last of the Pepperidge Farm Chocolate Delights on a plate and placed them on the tray standing sentry on the counter top. The shrill sound of the whistling tea kettle let me know the water was ready, interrupted my reverie of that day not so long ago. Carefully I placed one tea bag in each cup, gingerly added a generous dollop of honey, and added the water to steep just as the doorbell rang.


I gracefully maneuvered my wheelchair through recently widened doorways of my home to the entry hall, careful not to bump anything along the way. Opening the door I let Marilynn in, she warmly smiled before bending down to give me a gentle peck on my cheek.


This was part of our shared routine.


Neither of us spoke as she whisked past me into the kitchen, I close behind. I watched as she slipped off her coat, watched as she placed cups on the tray and carried everything out to my sun room, placed it all on the table where we both could peer out through the window, see the rose bush her husband had planted two summers ago while home on leave.


She spoke first, asked me how my therapy was going, the usual small chit chat as we nibbled our cookies, sipped our tea. Her strength always amazed me, her will to carry on helping me in my own path of healing, my quest to again be whole. I listened, watched for the tears I knew would come. She glanced out the window at her rose bush, the one I'd help Rob pick out at the nursery down the road as a gift for their third anniversary.


Turning back, that singular tear again rolling down her cheek she smiled weakly and then began too speak, "Tell me again about the roadside bomb, I need to hear again the last words he spoke to you as you held him in your arms."

Where I Am From

" Where I am From". For some of us, where we are from cannot be written in one verse, a few stanzas of words spilled upon a page...we can though open a door into the mystery, share a part of the darkness that we've left behind in walking towards the light.




Where I am From
Darkness Into Light


There are voices I remember
"old song lyrics"
shelter from the pain
truth from youth
~~~~~
I still remember mother's Lemon Meringue Pie
You could smell it throughout the house
She always baked two of them
One for church, one for the family table
It was safer that way


Baking cookies for Christmas
Hungarian Butterhorns
each carefully accounted for
They were Dad's favorite
He had best get his fair share


There were rules to follow
To this day, I remember them well
Don't eat with your mouth open
Sit up straight
Get your ass downstairs


You could beg, plead and cry
It did not matter what you said
You again had broken a rule
You had to be punished
The beating was about to begin


The basement was a dark place
the coal room darker still
The rules were simple
You'd best be naked
Before he towered over you


Why do you make me do this?
You know the fucking rules
Hold your hands out straight
God I hate this
But you need to learn


Long after he had left
Mother would come down
Gather me in her arms
Upstairs I was bathed
Lotion applied to bruises


Black and Blue
I was tucked in bed
You know he loves you
He does it for your own good
Good night mom, I love you too.


Laying there in the darkness
a small child whimpered
later the pain would come
it was part of the learning
A part of Father's great plan


Just one small boy all alone
whispering under the covers


I'm sorry Daddy
I'll do better
I love you Daddy
I promise to behave
I won't do it again